I am lonely quite a bit, and it hurts. It isn’t to the point where I don’t feel that I can’t accomplish anything but boy is it hard to go without having a home. Now by home, I don’t necessarily mean a physical location where those who are related by blood reside, but a place where you can feel welcome. A place where you are able to feel safe from the outside world.
I keep realizing this as I live away from Home, my parents house. Trying to be independent has its benefits and it’s downsides, but all in all it is a great learning experience that I am glad to have. Many of you know that I share an apartment with My Boi, Patrick. My best friend and my business partner. As we seek out new adventures and ideas, we still make time to be around friends and family, or at least we try our best.
There are times though, that I leave Patrick alone and he makes up plans to go and do while I’m away and same vice versa, but the thing that I have noticed every time that I have been left alone, the loneliness starts to settle. I start to feel as though there is no one in the world that can help me achieve my goals. I feel as though the entire world is out to get me and is crushing me under it’s feet.
Every time that I have felt this way, there is always a faint feeling, perhaps faint isn’t the way to describe it. It is strong, but quiet. I always get the urge to get in my car and head to where my family is. There aren’t a whole lot of occasions where I am lonely, but whenever I am, the steady feeling of the need to be with my family arises.
I am not going to pretend that I know exactly where this stems from, but I can definitely make a few guesses. I know that home is where I had a loving Mother and a protective Father who watched over me during the entire first part of my life. I know that home is where I fought with my siblings, and with the guidance of my parents, learned how to forgive and get a long with them. I know that home is where I was able to overcome the most challenges in becoming who I am today.
I know the Home has been the most essential part in my life that has got me where I am at and will continue to get me to where I am going.
There is such a feeling of love when I walk into the house, that is overwhelms my being. I look up and see my little Brother, Justin, looking at the T.V. with his head tilted back and shaking as he watches his show of Octonauts. I see my little sister Rachel playing with what seems to be thousands of stuffed animals at a time, only imagining how furious my mom will be when she finds how many she has out.
As I walk in I see my mom tilt her head from the other side of the wall in the upstairs kitchen making her face visible as she says, “welcome home.” There is music blazing from that same room with some modern hip hop as my sister Diving is doing the Floss. My other sister Karlee walks up and asks, “Oh Tyler! Can you take me to flute lessons.” As I think of what I could get out of this I reply, “Only if you pay for my lunch.”
There is so much love, even when mom is mad, in our home. My mom doesn’t really get mad, she just kind of looks at you and says you name in a sharp voice. As she is working on worksheets for her preschool I lean up to the screen and say, “Whats that?” Then I shut of the monitor so that nothing is visible.
As I start to sit down on the couch, there is a knock at the door. My brother Justin hurries and runs to the door and it so happens to be my brother and sister-in-law, happily holding their little baby. I really try to make it seem that I don’t like babies because I don’t want to be stuck holding one for 3 hours. But if you were to look at my new born nephew, you probably would want to hold him for that long.
My Best friend in the family is missing however. Marissa decided to go serve an LDS mission in the Philippines( where my Dad, Brother Justin and Sister Divina are from). I was actually just slightly mad when she went because she was my travel partner, we went quite a few places because no one else wanted to travel with me, or could travel with me. She also understood me the best out of everyone in my family, and we spend a good amount of time together.
Now if I am lucky enough to stay long enough, it will be dark outside, but I will get to see my Father walk through the door. He definitely shows by example. Though to some it may seem like he works a lot, I know that his end goal is to do that best the he can do so that he can provide the most for his family. He is part of my inspiration to become an entrepreneur. He knows what it is like to hustle for everyday of his life, and keeps going to ensure his family’s well being.
Now if you ask anyone in my family about faults in the others, we could totally tell you! But what would it accomplish? There is so much love that resides there, that even with the mistakes that I see and that anyone else could see, one cannot help but want to feel the sense of love that is held in that household.
My Parents, while imperfect, have accomplished something beyond this life. A love that is powerful enough to silence any amount of fear that I have. Anytime that I am alone, I always know that there is one place that I can be to feel at peace.